A Website as a Diary
Today..
Hi, I'm just writing to say that today felt like the first day of my life. It was a normal day, but there was something very subtle, strange, and new about it.
Yesterday..
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Holding
You
Is
Like
The
New
Past
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May 20, 2021- What is a memory that still fills you with gratitude?
When I was young, spending my days running through the pastures with my cousins, petting the horses, catching tadpoles, climing trees, and picking plums from the hard to reach branches. Sitting in the small plastic swing set while we ate all the fuit we had just picked, arguing about who has to sit on the broken swing.
May 22, 2021
I woke up very early today. Desmond and I went to the deli by my house at around 8:00am, we talked for two hours straight while drinking tea and eating fries and banana bread. We both had important responsiblites that we were avoiding, we decided to ignore them and stay at the deli longer than we should have. Today feels different than most of my days but I think that it is in a good way.
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Things I Love Today:
Cutting Vegetables
Being Wrapped In A Blanket Outside
Drinking Tea In The Morning
Drinking Coffee At Night
Reading Out Loud
Listening To Music While I Cook
Telling People That I Love Them
Sleeping Next To A Dog
Cooking For Others
Going Home Early
Having A Long Conversation At The Kitchen Table
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Today I found an old letter.
My Dearest Clarissa,
Let there be no doubt about it, I love you and will love you till' the day that I die. I have been drunk quite frequently as of lately, I do not know it to be good nor bad, just true. I finished reading Lolita and also read some other things in the process. I have stopped drinking coffee this month, hard to believe but true. (Have had a cup of tea.) Do you love me like you used to? How do you spend your time? Like your money I presume, your parents money. I will pick a flower for you tonight in your honor. You remind me of flowers or should I say flowers remind me of you. You and your flower like qualities. Young, fresh sweet and in-bloom and I picked you. Oh! Is time an enemy or a friend? Is it time that has passed and made each other hungry to see one another or is it that love that has made us hungry to see one another. Regardless, it is love that will satisfy that hunger, love that will quench my thirst to see you, and tell me just out of curiosity, do we call it luck if we are in the right place at the right time and do we call it fate if it be time between the words luck and fate? Yes/No? Do you believe in magic? This is a billet doux for you scout. P.S. Like a loving thief I stole many kisses from you whilst you dreamed.
May 30, 2021
There are so many crows in the trees today
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A letter I wrote for an old friend,
When the coldness of the year arrived I felt you drifting away from me. I had just moved into my new apartment and only had a mattress on the floor. We would lie on that mattress vulnerable and close for hours. The next thing that I put in my apartment was a lamp, it a dim golden light came out of the bulb that cast a dark shadow across half of your face. We would make coffee in the middle of the night so that we would never fall asleep and could contiue talking until the sun came up. Do you remeber that? Sometimes when I'm lying on that mattress alone or the lamp casts the same shadow across somebody elses face, I think of you. I know you think that I hate you for leaving me but I don't. I used to hate you until I realized what it's like to be you. Sometimes I see you walking around your neighborhood, you're always walking alone but you look happy.
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I sat in the passenger seat of Kalia's car today with a bag of groceries on my lap, we were both having a sad day so we occupied our time with last minute errands around town. Despite being in the car with my close friend I felt extremely alone today. The window was rolled down and I rested my head on the ledge, my face being smacked by the cold air when the car was moving. My nose was numb from the cold but the rest of my body was warm. Sometimes I watch every person in their car and it makes me dizzy, I forget that there are people inside of the cars on the road sometimes. At the stoplight I watched the woman in the car next to us, she caught my attention because she was smoking a cigarette with the windows rolled all the way up. She was driving a Lexus, the plates from the dealership were still on meaning the car was brand new. She had long black curly hair and eyeliner smudged under her eye. When the ligh turned green the car I was in and her car began moving at the same speed. A man sitting in the passenger seat smiled at her and handed her a glass bottle. The label said Svedka (Vodka) and she took a large swig. This made me even more interested in her, why was she chugging vodka and driving? She sped off and I thought about her the rest of the day. I told myself to write about it here so that I don't forget about her.